Camera madness

Five minutes to midnight

Heading to bed soon & hence the PJ shot. & oh there's a monster there. 

Anyhows, 

Happy midnight earthlings.

Haven't been blogging but I have so many peektures to upload & shall get it done by Wednesday hopefully.

I just thought of sharing one random thing. It's that......... My 10 y.o couzey weighs the same as me. Like wtf are you kidding me kind of thing. I lost weight again over the holidays. Magically k. I kept eating throughout the entire holidays my post every week has food & food & food & not to mention my next post is all about food again. Yet, I never grow fat when I don't even move my limbs to exercise at all.

The thing is, the sight of food really irks me I don't know why really. I'm not the type that eats when I'm bored. To me, FOOD IS JUST FOOD. I'm not so itchy hands when it comes to finding food. That results in me being xkg underweight. But funny thing is, my report book never ever says I'm underweight which means I'm not at the same time?

I wish I could just stuff food into my stomach without passing it thru my mouth first. Ok this kind of sounds disgusting. EWWW?

GOODNIGHT HAPPY WEEK AHEAD

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I'm always feeling like I've crossed worlds in a day. The kind of fatigue that sets in right when I wake up makes everyday almost unbearable. Every single day when I'm up awake all I think to myself is what am I feeling. I don't know what am I feeling most of the time, I feel like I'm in an empty zone but not exactly lost at the same time.

But somehow, I always manage to picture myself standing in an open field measuring of yards x yards. A field that has two sides separated by one fine line. The line that separates positivity & negativity, the line that separates happiness & sadness, the line that separates contentment & desperation. & all I see is a soul wandering between the two lines from time to time, constantly finding comfort in both sides yet not choosing to settle on which side. But I guess that's not what being lost is.

I wish I could just vanish whenever & wherever I want. Get away from people I know & have a chance to start all over again. Get a chance to do the things I've always wanted to do without being under the scrutiny of ugly judgers. Get a chance to be make pretty first impressions. Get a chance to explore. Get a chance to just be me. Is there such a world? Or am I just creating one based on illusions, on my expectations, on my level of perception of what I want the world to be?

I see myself always struggling to be me. I can't be me if I'm not contented with myself & then I spend a whole trashy lot of time finding what I'm contented with & most of the time I almost always come up with nothing.

I can't be me if every single time I have a conversation with someone, I can't hold one because there are simply to many conversations going on at the same time. One made up of worlds I'm saying out loud & one replying to how I really feel in my head. Yet insanely, I find myself finding comfort in the fact that I get to say what I want without people knowing how I actually feel. It feels magical for a moment, like a beautiful spectrum of light at the end of a tunnel.

At the end of the day, I really wonder if I'm going insane without myself knowing.

Sea of thoughts. 1:37AM, 7/1/12

2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE!!!!

Gonna rush this post before I head out as I don't wanna recount 2012 in 2013. Hate to bring events of past year into the next year. SO, 2012 was 70% bad & 30% good. 

To me, 2012's a really bad year as compared to 2011. Everything changed drastically in school. Yes school cuz I mean, I spend like what 3/4 of 365 days in school?! I remembered crying almost every night at the start of this year cuz I was having such a hard time coping with school work & I was lacking behind due to my bad habit of procrastinating.. & sec 2 to 3 is really a big jump lah?! I would do my homework halfway -> start crying -> run to my brother's room & ask him to complete my homework becuz I was that hopeless.. On top of that, I was dealing with some shitty loss, being damn ass emotional & not in the mood for school, every single day.

& then being really emotional, things just got worse in term 3 after I got transferred to another mother tongue class. I argued with the teacher almost every lesson, spilling thousands of insults & still making sure she hears them lol. I swear I felt like stabbing myself everytime I needa attend mt lessons.

But on a brighter note, I met so many new people due to new class & some other stuffs & I'm glad I really met & got close to! Mostly my class people, duh. There's really so much memories in 3 Joy in a year alone. & ofcourse I'm ultimately most grateful & glad for the friendships that continued since I was sec 1, Shannon, Linhui, Sarah, Vanessa, Daryl & Luetao till today!!

& my most fav memory of 2012 was concamp 2012+confirmation with con3B'2012. You guys ultimately made my 2012 truly awesome towards the end of this year!!!

Lastly,
My resolution/wishes for 2013:
1. STOP PROCRASTINATING. (NOT BE A COUCH POTATO LAH).
2. To do well in my studies next year, duh. who won't want lol
3. To be really happy, to worry less.

3 simple things only, yet hard to do. Hope I'll really be able to do em!


& I HOPE I WILL HAVE A REALLY GOOD 2013. HAVE A GOOD 2013 TOO Y'ALL. 

21/12/2012

 HAPPY WEEKENDS!!

Peektures from dad's cousin's wedding at mbs on 21/12! No photos of food cause I wasn't sitting with my relatives. I mean I was sitting with my relatives but the ones I see once in every year or sometimes I don't even see them... So not very nice to hold people's dinner up + wedding food all the same?!

& then yknow how your relatives all always go like "wah you grow so tall already ah girl!!" Or like "ah girl ah you how old already ah" or like "which school you studying in now ah" & in my head I'm just like "auntie... I say like a thousand times alr..." ultimate Grammy award winning facepalm moment?!

Peektures in random order, please do not mind. Lol

MUMMY TAN

#ootd. after a night, i really couldn't walk anymore, lol. 

I was sitting on a table filled with kids like half the table was kids & this kid opposite me was so effing cute!!!! He really looks like some future hong kong star lah!!!

& this baby!!! so chubby+eurasian looking(somehow), *pedo mode on* just kidding.

DADDY TAN 

MUMMY TAN

 GOODNIGHT WORLD.

Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS EARTHLINGS! 

HAPPY WINTER WONDERLAND. 

I'm not late in my christmas greetings, there's 20 days of christmas according to the priest who celebrated mass on christmas eve? so holly jolly christmas!! 

Started christmas with midnight mass with le brothers. I don't know why, but every year I just have to go to midnight mass to get into the christmas feel otherwise I won't feel like it's christmas. Church ended around idk 1+am? Cabbed back home & I crawled into my bed straight after changing & I didn't take any photos cause I was tired as hell...... No... I mean..... lazy....sighpie.  

& the moment I woke up I was in a daze & I was just like "oh, happy birthday Jesus" really epic. LOL. 

Afterall, there won't be christmas if Jesus wasn't born?! 

Waited till evening for the couzies to arrive. TOOK SO LONG? 

pepperoni pizzeria!! 

"Activities"for the night

& YOGHURT LOGCAKE!!! OMG, IT TASTES SO DAMN GOOD. I HATE CAKES & I WAS SO GLAD THIS WASN'T THE TYPICAL CAKES. 

ZEE GOODNESS OF IT. 

& then near midnight I received a text from the bestfriend. 

& JENG JENG JENG. A SURPRISE! oh how i love surprises!

& went to bed with my face red. this is all for my christmas post. Merry christmas once again & have a good weekend!